WASHINGTON, D.C.—As part of the Democrat Party’s push for mail-in voting in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, the party has revealed the seasoned veteran mailman who will collect everybody’s mail-in votes this November, Phil R.E. Quinton. A longtime USPS mail carrier, Quinton will be in charge of collecting and tabulating the votes for all […]
Trader Joe’s Makes Baffling Business Decision To Ignore Angry People On The Internet Who Don’t Even Shop There
Trader Joe’s Makes Baffling Business Decision To Ignore Angry People On The Internet Who Don’t Even Shop There MONROVIA, CA—Trader Joe’s is baffling business and finance experts with the bizarre decision to ignore angry people on the internet who probably don’t even shop there. The angry internet mob called for Trader Joe’s to be boycotted […]
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
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BREAKING NEWS: Innovative New Process Converts Vegetables Into Meat By Feeding Them To Cows U.S.—Look out, Beyond Meat — a new competitor has emerged in the market of turning vegetables into a food that tastes just like meat. But while companies like Beyond Meat use laboratories to turn vegetables into something tasty, this new process […]
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Chicago White Sox To Drop Offensive ‘White’ From Name CHICAGO, IL—Amid mounting pressure from a coordinated campaign of 12 mentally ill Twitter users, Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf has confirmed the franchise will finally be dropping the offensive word “white” from their name. “Being a mascot is an honor,” Jerry said. “Unless, of course, […]